Graduation...hopfuly

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Graduation...hopfuly

Post  lozorus on Sun Jun 06, 2010 8:46 am

Lozorus as training. Two against one. They both had blades attached to longmetal chains. They attacked. Lozorus dodged one chain that came flyig at him blade first. The other one that was behind him Kicked it at Lozous's back. He jumped and ran along the chain. He smiled as he hadnt even used his shaingan yet. He was about to reach the first enemy when a scon chain came. He had to jump before he could jump. He threw knunin and shuriken at them. They dodged and oth threw their chains. He swung hs foot o though his body weight. They both mised. Grabing onto a chain he began to swing down it. He could feel the chakra they were enfused with. The second chain was chasing him asif it were alive. It bulleted toward him. Before it hit he swungaround the chain going upside down. The chain passed underneath him. He felt it begin to tug as they both pulled away. He knotted them together quickly. He reached the first enemy delivering a poweful kick to the face. The eney flew back. Lozorus had no time to regain his balance. As he landed he dived backward reaching his enemy with a ppunch to the stomach. He was down...or so Lozorus though. He was kicked from behind.


Hmm. Two guys with blades. Ill be useless at range because of the enfused chakra chains. Him and his budy dont seem to fast at close range though.Ah thats it!

Lozorus got up. He laghed as he used his chakra strings to pick uphis freinds buddy. He controlled him. He wouldnt attack his own freind would he. Lozorus made hs ''Puppet'' attack with an onlught of kicks and punches. Then suddenly he saw a blade attak coming in from the side of his Puppet. Damn, He dodged sideways at the last second. He activated his 2 tome sharingan. He threw

He isnt willing to hurt hs freind...bt will he save him?

Lozorus threw his opponent high into the air. If he fel to the floor he would get seriously hurt. Lozorus charged. The other opponent stood positioned to capture him. Lozous laughed as he kneed him in the face. Black....

Lozorus was comming to whilst he was still on his feet. He relised the two were still there and his senses began to kick in. The ''Puppet'' must have regained coniousness. He began to dive and duck as they attacked. Jumping onto one puch. Standing on the guys hand only having to jump off as the next punch came. Lozorus dropped and did a leg sweep causing them to jump back however they did not attack again. They began doing hand sighns.

Lozorus emmidiatley began to coppy. He got them all. Lucky! He had no idea what it did though. Then the two chais began to tremor and convulse. They were alive. He laughed. He had control of one. He struggled for a moment as the origanal jutsu caster tared baffled. He was to shocked to fight for his wepon so Lozorus took control. He used it to defend against ann attack that was coming from his back. It took tomuch chakra and hehad to stop using it. His sharingan was running out aswell. He shouldnt have challened two nnja even if they were at his level. He had to end this fast. Panting Lozorus got ready for one final assult. Lozorus jumped soaring into the sky. Using his chakra he threw the last of his shuriken at one of them slashing them in the arm. Lozorus bulleted down toward the second flipping down into a kick to the shoulders. Lozorus fell to the ground. They got back up. What? Lozorus couldnt carry on. He was to teird. He gave up. He was dissapointed with himself. Hopefuly the judges wouldnt penalise.


Last edited by lozorus on Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:38 am; edited 3 times in total

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Re: Graduation...hopfuly

Post  Shikei on Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:02 am

Hmm this isnt decided just yet, but what rank were thoe men? Not even a genin would get killed that easily from a chunin. Plus you was dodging everything, you would expect to get hit.

-Overskill
-Defeating opponents to easily

Not to sure just yet
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Re: Graduation...hopfuly

Post  Guest on Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:33 am

One rorblem as well-

'He removed his super weighted trainng. He had heardthese once belonged to the legend rock lee.'

Rock lee isn't a legend really, this is set at the start of teh naruto story line. + how would you get them?

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Re: Graduation...hopfuly

Post  Guest on Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:45 am

Ehh.... I GUESS aproved. but yous till seemed a little too powerful.

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Re: Graduation...hopfuly

Post  Shikei on Mon Jun 07, 2010 11:39 am

"till seemed a little too powerful."

He is quite overpowered, his sharingan instantly 'coppy' ed which it wouldnt that fast, because not only is it not at its fulll power, lozorus is the same age and meant to be the same strength as the others, but obviously not, as he is not only copying moves but also controlling them without breaking a sweat. Yeah just take of his leg weights and 'bullet' towards an opponent (wait, where did he learn that, rock lee got that speed from training for a LOONGG time, sasuke was trained by kakashi so its different o.o)

Message to Lozorus:

You cant just change things in your app whenever you feel like it, ur app was approved at the stage it was because we thought it was ok, but changing it is kinda cheating in a way. I would suggest you rid of those leg weights as you wouldnt be that fast, and also the sharingan wouldnt be that powerful, as well as the chakra strings, they must have a limit to what they can control...
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Re: Graduation...hopfuly

Post  lozorus on Mon Jun 07, 2010 11:43 am

It go disaproved because of the 3 tome sharingan so i edited more than that because i wanted to change it, and it was aproved after that...

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Re: Graduation...hopfuly

Post  Shikei on Mon Jun 07, 2010 11:52 am

Sharingan..sharingan sharingaaannn! Its not just the sharingan, the 2 tome is ok, ye i approved it, but your overpowering it to much. and btw read on...


TAKE THOSE WEIGHTS OF XD YOU DONT HAVE EM LOL
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Re: Graduation...hopfuly

Post  lozorus on Tue Jun 08, 2010 11:59 pm

YOU EDITED IT FO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE. SHOULDNT DO THAT

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Re: Graduation...hopfuly

Post  British-Tiger on Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:02 am

I'll edit those weights out for you in a minute if you don't lol
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